Well, its' been a while.

How time flies these days. I have a lot of catching up to do on here I think. I will try to make it as brief as possible though.

Since my last post in August lots of things have changed for me. I found out August 27th that I was pregnant again! It was so nerve racking founding out though, because of course my mind starts thinking will this be for real this time, or will I lose another one? Well, I am happy to report that things have been going amazing well with this pregnancy so far. I am currently 18 weeks 5 days (about 4.5 months) pregnant with our first child. It has been a very exciting time for Bruce and me since we found out, but also stressful as we are trying to figure out how we will manage financially when baby gets here. But I think most expectant parents go through this at some point. I know we will figure it all out, the important part is just getting baby here alive and healthy.

We just had our anatomy scan about a week ago, which was so cool! I got to spend 2 hours looking at my baby inside my belly. I will never forget that day, ever. I have been feeling the baby move/kick for about the past 4 weeks. The movements/kicks have been getting stronger lately. Bruce felt the baby moving around for the first time last weekend. The look on his face was wonderful.

We have decided to wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. We have told a few people about our decision, and have gotten a lot of mixed reactions. I've had people think it was cool, and I have actually had people get mad at me for not finding out. So weird to me that it's not normal to wait to find out. We really want the surprise at the end, and after all we have been through to get here, why ruin the moment. I have had a feeling since about 8 wks though that it will be a boy. The doctor was able to tell at the anatomy scan, but we asked them not to tell us. At least the doctor and nurses thought it was cool that we decided to wait to find out. Over all I have been doing very well during this pregnancy. The morning sickness did not last long, and the only real symptoms I have let are being tired all the time, and having to pee like 100 times a day, lol. I have gained about 15 pounds already, and it's all in my belly. So I have been looking visibly pregnant since about 12 wks.

I have been thinking more about not going back to work after baby is born. I just can't really make the decision because of our insurance being through me. Also, Bruce's job is kind of all over the place as far as his pay goes. I don't want to make him stay home and be a stay at home dad unless he wants to, but we can't afford day care. There is just no way we can spend $900 a month to pay someone to raise our child. It's ridiculous! And being so far from the family in NY and NH, we have no one to help us with that part of things. So who knows, we may very well end up back in NY sooner then we thought, because we will need the help. Bruce's older brother lives in NC with his wife and 2 kids, but they are useless to us. All they do is criticize our choices, and plans. You know what I say to that, screw them! I am tired of being looked down upon by them (especially the wife) because we have not planned things perfectly. She really drives me crazy because she is this 40 something yr old woman who is so f'ing sheltered she has never even really had to deal with sitting in traffic her entire life! Seriously, what kind of life it that anyway?

Well, I will stop there in regards to that rant, because it would take me hours and many pages to get my frustrations out about her.

So, here I am on the journey to becoming a mommy (finally). I just hope that I can do a good job, and raise my child well.