Oh no, not a gray hair!

That's it, I guess I have officially joined the "getting old" crowd. I was hoping to be lucky enough to not get my first gray hair until I was in my 70s like my grandma, but so much for that : /
There is always the box of hair dye I have sitting in my bathroom. Maybe this weekend my gray hair will get to meet that box of hair color, and then we'll see who wins. My money is on the hair dye : p

Feeling so depressed today

I'm not sure why it just hit me, but I feel so sad/depressed today. I really miss my baby. I miss being pregnant, and being tired and all of the wonderful things that came with being pregnant. But its all gone now, all of it. I feel like I did before I got pregnant and that makes me sad. Its as if nothing ever happened. I have been doing so well until today, not sure why this hit me today; very weird.
I'm in my 2nd week back to work since the miscarriage, and things have been going great, but every once in a while it hits me. I miss my baby so much. That really about sums up my current mood. I feel empty today, and its very possible that this is all coming out because I started feeling like AF (aunt flow) was on her way. Every cramp is just another reminder that my baby is gone. I don't understand this world sometimes, and I hope someday I do.

My heart has broken

It has been a very hard week. We found out on Monday (4/5/10) that we lost our baby. The baby stopped growing, and there was no longer a heartbeat. The baby should have been 11 wks the week we found out. It has been very hard to deal with. We were so happy to finally be having a baby. We waited weeks to tell people, because of the first miscarriage we had back in 2007. Its just not fair!! I feel like we got jipped, even after we waited to tell everyone! I am so angry, sad, shocked, lost, empty; I just can't believe it happened to us again. Not only did I have a miscarriage, I had a missed-miscarriage. That means that my body did not know that the baby had died. I was still having pregnancy symptoms, and my body was still growing. It didn't matter though, because my baby was dead inside me for 3 weeks. I felt so betrayed by my body at first, but now I think I just didn't want to let go of my baby. I ended up having a d&c, there was no way I could go through another natural miscarriage. I was so scared going into surgery on Friday. It was such a sad morning, because I had to say goodbye to my baby. The surgery did go very well, and the doctor said we should be just fine to start trying again in 4 weeks. We are looking forward to the next 4 weeks flying by. We really want to start a family, and we are more determined then ever to get started ; )