Boldly going where I have never been before.

(I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this post, as it will be talking about lots of womanly stuff. You've been warned)

So as of September, I have been off my birth control pills. It’s been kind of a weird 3 months. When you are on birth control for a long time (I was on mine for about 13 years, with the occasional break), you forget how annoying your period can be. Believe it or not, I actually forgot what it was like to have menstrual cramps. They suck!!

Most recently though, I have been feeling my monthly ovulation. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true. Yesterday was the worst since I stopped my pills. I was having such bad abdominal pain yesterday that I almost went to the ER. Especially since I had a miscarriage 2 years ago, and really had no idea what was going on at the time. The egg was stuck in my tube, and there was no heartbeat. So, I was given meds to help the process along. Let me tell you, nothing like getting stuck with 2 huge needles in the butt after you just found out you lost your baby. Not fun at all. I even ended up in the hosptial after the meds. I felt like I was having a heart attack. Turns out, it was just my body doing its job. But anyway, that was then. I just hope I don't have any problems if/when I get pregnant again. Don't know if I could handle it.

But after doing A LOT of reading, I realized the pain was from ovulating after all. The pain has since stopped, which is good. The only semi-worrying thing now is that I could possibly be pregnant. Not a bad thing; that was the whole point in stopping the pill. But still, I'm nervous. It’s hard to be so conflicted about having children. I think the thing that scares me most is the simple fact of where that little bundle of joy will be exiting from. Of course that's not my only worry about having a child. There's always the issue of money, and the question of "are we really ready to have a child". I would have to say at this point, I am about as ready as I'm going to be. One comforting thing that I hear a lot from parents, is that you are never really ready. Which I totally understand, especially since they don't come with an instruction manual.

Anyway, I have the next 2 weeks to wonder in the back of my mind, am I pregnant? Waiting sucks! Someone just needs to come out with an even earlier pregnancy test. That would be sweet! But until then, I will just have to wait it out, and try not to get my hopes up too much. I'll be back in a couple of weeks to let you know : )